As I am sure most of you know (but some may not) BDSM stands for Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission and Sadomasochism, or some other scramble of those ingredients. Some people also refer to it as the ‘lifestyle.’ Some prefer to refer to it as a “community.” It includes Dominance and submission, role-playing, bondage, knife, impact play, and things like that.
Dominance and submission or D/s is what is called a power exchange. One party (the submissive or bottom) gives over their personal power to the other party (the Dominant or Top) who is then in charge of the relationship. It can come in any flavor and degree of commitment—heterosexual, homosexual, polyamour. It may be a 24/7 arrangement, or just in the bedroom or at the club. It is completely consensual, and all parties must get pleasure from the exchange. The pleasure also comes in many flavors and is specific to the individuals. Hard limits are negotiated beforehand and safe words are used.
That’s how I explain it in each of my thirty published Light BDSM Male/female contemporary erotic romance novels (currently working on number thirty-one). I have to say that the genre is very popular even among people who are not actively participating or interested in the lifestyle or would even ever consider it. Why? Darned if I know, but it is a fact. People have all kinds of unacknowledged fantasies—many of them very private. I know that when I stumbled upon a couple of BDSM ebooks, I loved them, read more, and decided I could write them. Do I participate? No, not at this time, but I might be interested if I currently had a partner I trusted to that degree. That’s the thing. It’s all about trust.
Also in my opinion, some of the how-to books and information available on the internet are not realistic and should be taken with a grain of salt. Also, one should be careful in viewing the porn depicting this lifestyle, and very careful of anyone met online purporting to be a “Master.” He could be some sixteen year old kid in Boise with an active imagination or a predator. In addition, as was pointed out, there is no One True Way. Each couple has to find their own comfort level.
But if you are interested, certainly check out the available books. And—wait for it—read some of my books listed on this website.
I hope you will sign up for my Blog, follow me on Twitter at @skyemichaels, and check out my fan page on Facebook, Skye Michaels Books. I love to hear from readers, so drop me a line and let me know what you like and what you don’t (not so much the what you don’t – LOL). – Skye Michaels
